Front Cover -- Copyright -- Table of Contents -- Acknowledgments -- Prologue -- 1: The Early Years -- 2: The Life I Almost Had -- 3: Mark Wahlberg -- 4: Andrew Crispo -- 5: Steroids -- 6: Meeting Julissa: A Lover and a Partner -- 7: Learning to Live Two Lives -- 8: Unexpected Hold-Up -- 9: Saved by an Angel -- 10: Carelessly Stepping into the Dark Side -- 11: Tears of My Love -- 12: 44th and 11th -- 13: A Little Help from a Friend -- 14: Police Assault -- 15: The Most Important Thing -- 16: Samantha -- 17: Losing My Pillar of Strength -- 18: Complete Betrayal -- 19: The End of One Life -- 20: Julissa Punks a Punk -- 21: A Couple of Characters in My Drama -- 22: When the World Ends -- 23: Running on Empty -- 24: Little Death -- 25: Julissa's Ghost -- 26: The End of Life as I Knew It -- 27: Unlikely Celebrity -- 28: On the Inside -- 29: Eugene Barbagallo -- 30: Beginning Anew -- 31: The Synthol Myth -- 32: Media Scandals and Costly Misunderstandings -- 33: A Crazy Little Thing I Called Raven -- 34 My Life Today . . . 216 -- Back.