Cover -- Copyright -- Table of Contents -- Introduction -- Get Out of My Way, I'm Drawing Horns -- Follow the Rules, Just Not Those Rules -- A Turkey Carcass Is a Terrible Thing to Waste -- Minty Fresh Garlicky Breath -- Is That a Swing or a Rocket Pod -- Plaid Tastes Like Brown and Purple Mixed Together, Huh? -- Don't Call Clients Wankers Until You're Sure They've Left -- Twisted Christmas -- The Staring Ball World Championships Is Starting -- Stop! Do Not Enter! Moose Crossing! -- Interview: Ann Willoughby -- Monsterblenderlicious -- Mold That Cricket -- My Bass Drum Is a Yawn -- Ice Cream Hollandaise -- Happy Pantonium Day -- Cell Mates -- We're Off to See the Wizard -- Saddle Up That Intern, Partner! -- It's a Pterodactyl! Aww! Aww! -- Interview: Chris Duh -- Should the Racetrack be in the Front or Back? -- Staring at the Turkey in the Blender All Day -- Destroy This! -- It's Aliiiive! -- Your Table Fits My Earwax Collection Perfectly -- Surprise Ending -- Good Luck Starting With That -- That's the Happiest Porcupine I've Ever Seen -- Chicken to Stocking in Four Pics -- Creative Director to William Four. Check. -- Wise Is the New Young -- I Grew a Whole Crop of Interns -- You are Now Free to Move Around the Gymnasium -- Watch the Road! -- I Have a Guitar Pick High Flush -- Quick, It's a Frog -- The Remote's in the Crisper -- My Cell Phone Charger Fits Nicely Next to Your Ketchup Stain -- "I Wonder if I Can Dig a Tunnel to the Copier from Here," Tom Thought -- 3 Down: The Sound Trevor Makes When E-Mail is Down -- Turn That Frown Upside Down! Now Add Projectile Vomit... -- Yeah, Baby, Yeah,... -- Cockroaches Can't Run From the Pencil-Flinger! -- Don't Ask Aliens If They Know Will Smith -- Interview: Justin Ahrens -- Mine Is of an Empty Coffee Cup -- Watch My Biker Jump Chapter Three -- You Hate It When I Do That -- Rock Band, Volume Three.

Where Did You Find That Trash Can? -- ...And Then, William the Intern Exploded. The End. -- Crappy Idea Ornaments -- I'm Sorry, Sir. -- A Day in the Life of Albert -- You're So Twisted -- Office Graffiti Is No Longer Frowned Upon -- The Perfect Whatever-You-Are -- Where'd That Flying Blender Come From? -- You Made This Into That? -- ...And Dave Finally gives in and Agrees to Do It. Fade to Black. -- Interview: Clint Runge -- I Just Flipped Jeff's Tongue. Gross. -- I Hurt Your Squiggle Bad -- We Made Chalk Welcome Mats in Front of Every Door -- I Got Smell! -- Ha Ha Dave's a Vegas Showgirl Dancer! -- Your Capital "L" Overlapped My Thought Bubble -- My Camera Froze While Shooting the "Ice Ice Baby" Part -- My Body Is Definitely a Six-Eye Body -- I Spelled "Make the Logo Bigger" -- That Tape Roll Makes Great Horns -- Wanna Go Play on the Cosmigraphotron? -- This Month Is "Punch a Vendor" Month -- The Message in the Bottle Said, "Leave a New Message for Someone Else" -- X Marks the Spot, But So Does That Repeating Crisscross Pattern -- My Dog Ate the Logo -- Interview: Dave Gouveia and Chris Elkerton -- Look! Jill is Headfirst in John's Pocket! -- That's Not a Drawing, That's Just a Sausage Stain -- Luke, I Am Your Milk-Carton-Faced Father -- I Can't Find a Word For "Still Lives at Home" -- The Conference Table Is Made of Highlighters -- I Should Have Picked a Speed Metal Song -- Well, It's...Um...Well, You See, He's Ummm... -- 50-50 on Whether I Should Stay or Go -- We Would Like to Thank the Academy -- It's a Blender Giraffe -- Interview: Eric Chimenti -- Look! I'm Riding a Giant Highlighter! -- George Washington Is Now George Clinton -- Pirates Don't Smell Good... -- The Sixty-Four-Ounce Cup of Coffee Gave You Away -- Mom, Can Billy and I Get Bunk Desks for Work? Please? -- Spatulas! Start Your Engines!.

I'd Like to Thank Erica in Client Services for Giving Me My First Shot -- The Ump's a Bum, But My Seat Warmer is Nice -- Get Your Game Face On--It's Pencil-Jousting Time -- We're On a Mission... From the Production Manager -- It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Webwoman and Her Trusty Sidekick, Blogboy! -- Nick Promised Fresh Bagels if I Chose Him -- I Call It Stock Car Boxing -- I'll Trade You Three Junior Account Execs for Your Rookie Web Developer -- Interview: John January -- Vote Ramon for King, He Promises To Give You All an Extra Day Off -- Thou Shalt Bring Blueberry Bagels to Work Every Monday -- ...Unless the Muffins Are Fresher -- And If You Shant, May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels Infest Your Armpits -- The Postal Service: Because Getting Your Package Undamaged Is for Wusses -- I See You Blew Up Your Ballloon. It's a Hot Air Balloon, Then? -- The Fragile, Sweet Rose Drifted Lighty in the Breeze -- ... -- And Then Johnny Ate a Desklamp and Kicked a Rutabaga -- My Story Is Called "The Flying Red Asparagus" -- Pizza by Day, Runway Model by Night -- The Smell of Pinocchio's Shorts Is Overpowering My Porridge -- Spacious 100-Square-Foot Cubicle With Cozy Breakfast Nook -- The Theme Is Themeless-Good Luck -- With Plastic Clothes, Stains Don't Stand a Chance -- I Call the Media Room Next to the Air Duct -- I Hope You Have a Crappy Day and You Get Fired or Something -- Interview: The HOW Forum -- I'm Gonna Go All S'more on You Today -- Barely Used Client Services Position for Sale, Complete With Bent File Cabinet -- This Is of a Melted Popsicle -- Lisa Dives Headfirst to Save the Highlighter From Hitting the Floor -- Camp Sixty-Four-Page-Catalog-Production Is Open for Business -- I Found the Treasure Near the Radiator--Chocolate Ice Cream Was a Bad Choice -- PowerPoint Texas Hold'em Storytelling.

I'd Be an Interplanetary Starship Commander With an Eye... -- First Off, My Opponent Can't Possibly Deny That Without Me, ... -- The Object of the Game Is to Hit Mike With Blank DVD's -- I Call the Starbucks! I Call the Starbucks! -- Interview: Sam Harrison -- The Par 3 Ninth Hole Keeps Going to the Copier -- I've Got Two in the Front Row by the Projector, Who Want's 'Em? -- The Treasure Lies Hidden Beneath a Spout of Bavarian Hops -- Surprise! There Really Is a Killer Behind the Door! -- Let's Go Down to the "Slaughter Your Own Meal" Buffet Tonight -- Are You Going to Be a Cheapskate on This Project, Too? -- This Patch Makes the Office Coffee Taste Like Starbucks -- I Call It "Rubber Band Notepad Ball" -- Interview: Jenn and Ken Visocky O'Grady -- My Quarter Starts With a Potpie Crust -- The Madison Avenue Medicine Show -- The Better Mousetrap -- And Then David Pulled Up His Shorts and Went Home -- I Couldn't Find Enough Things to Spell "Throngs of Adoring Fans" -- Interview: Debbie Millman -- Fuh-Get-Uh-Bowdit -- And How Did You Dislodge Caitlyn From the Copier Machine? -- First, You Climb Brian's Office Wall, Then You Take the Rope... -- I'll Start With Client Sarcasm, and Then I'll Have the Presentation... -- It's a Grape-Juice Shopping Cart Pushed by a One-Legged Meerkat -- This Is Designywood--Everybahdy's Got a Dream -- Can You Tilt the Flat Screen Down, I Need to Check My Transfer Timing -- Extra! Extra! Read All About Joe Breaking the Inkjet! -- Robbie's Area Is the Sit-Up Barn for the Next Thirty Minutes -- The Printer Will Only Print in Red Tomorrow -- Where's That Squashed Bug? -- And "Two Bucks for a Stuck-Up Duck" Wins by a Beak! -- I Used a Skeleton Key, You Used a Door -- Interview: Lisa Duty -- Create a Code Book -- Index -- Contributors.