Cover -- Title Page -- Copyright -- Dedication -- Table of Contents -- Preface -- YEAR I -- 1. Lumpers and Splitters -- 2. Biker lycra siticus -- 3. Ed Abbey Had a Mountain Bike -- 4. Testiculatus -- 5. Weeds of the West -- 6. Beauty is as Beauty C'n Do -- 7. The Prostate Saver -- 8. The Bird that Eats Shit -- 9. Murderers, Fornicators, and Coffee Drinkers -- 10. Hardtail or Doublesprung? -- 11. 6,047,086,034 6,047,086,035 -- 12. This is True Worship -- 13. A Carbolic-Acid Enema -- 14. Lardass -- 15. Agnostic Praying Mantis -- 16. Little Column? -- 17. Empty Sockets, Sardonic Grin -- YEAR II -- 18. A Pretty Decent Fall -- 19. Mistletoe Birds -- 20. Ecstatic Phenomenon -- 21. Sage Grouse Lek -- 22. Oblanceolate to Spatulate -- 23. Wicked Concoction -- 24. Mr. Nice Dick -- 25. Evolutionary Theater -- 26. Jesus is the Answer -- 27. Horny Goat Weed -- 28. As Common as Paradox, As Odd as Love -- YEAR III -- 29. Strange Behaviors -- 30. Elderberry Melancholy -- 31. Do You Believe in Love? -- 32. Just the Stuff About Your Virility -- 33. Mr. Feelgood -- 34. Death Defying Act of Defiance -- 35. Nurses -- 36. Stories I'll Tell at Your Funeral -- 37. Transcendental Balance -- 38. Life's Essential Injustice -- 39. Standing in the Snow Thinking About Plums -- 40. I'll Bury Her Among Piñons -- YEAR IV -- 41. Driving Off the Spleen -- 42. Draw Me No White Dresses on Corpses -- 43. Who Has Once Met Irony… -- 44. A World of Yellow Scent -- 45. Happy Hour/Under God -- 46. Canvas for Paint, Paper for Ink -- 47. Too Old a Dog -- 48. God Stories -- 49. A Trillion, Trillion, Trillion Years -- YEAR V -- 50. Not the End, Yet -- Epilogue -- About Torrey House Press.