Cover -- Copyright -- Dedication -- Acknowledgements -- Contents -- Introduction -- 1 A Sleeping Lunch -- 2 Don't Mention the War! -- 3 Shooting Squirrels With a Sniper Rifle -- 4 When Is Nelson Mandela Going To Stand Up? -- 5 'Will One Of You Old Queens Bring This Old Queen a Gin And Tonic?' -- 6 'Have I Died Again?' -- 7 'Oh, Bloody Hell!' -- 8 The Reluctant Royal and A Man In a Hurry -- 9 Princess Margaret Is On Fire -- 10 Setting the Hounds On The Boys From Eton -- 11 'Go On, Go On, Hit Him, Go On Punch Him!' -- 12 'Get Your Black Tie On Because One Of The Guests Has Died' -- 13 'Did You Get Lucky This Weekend, Colin?' -- 14 It's Groundhog Day -- Epilogue -- Sources.