Title Page -- Copyright Page -- Contents -- Acknowledgments -- Note to Readers -- Introduction: From Conflict to Consensus -- Becoming your Own Coach -- Chapter 1: Change Yourself: Going from Stuck to Unstuck -- Defining Stuck Situations -- Fixing it Begins with You -- Why Being Different Makes All the Difference -- What about Extreme People? -- Change what you Say -- Change how you Say It -- Beyond the Conversation -- Summary -- Chapter 2: Shifting Perspective -- Changing your Thinking -- Different Perspectives can Coexist -- Flexing your Mind -- Now I See it Differently -- What's the Magic Word? -- Shifting Perspective and Writing your Own Magic Words -- Summary -- Chapter 3: Overcome your Own Defenses: Tearing Down the Walls -- Perspective is Practically Invisible -- Freeing Yourself from Perspective Ignorance -- Active Resistance -- Summary -- Chapter 4: Tell their Story: Looking through their Eyes -- Difference of Opinion -- The Role of Culture -- Identifying Noncultural Differences -- Different and Legitimate -- Mind the Gap -- Practice Telling their Story -- Guide to the Perplexed: Finding their Story -- Having the Conversation -- Seeing Isn't (Necessarily) Believing -- Summary -- Chapter 5: Looking from the outside In: Seeing is Believing -- What do I Sound like from the Outside? -- Simple, but not Easy -- Dealing with Denial -- It's not you, It's Me -- Learning about Myself-Going Deep -- Looking in the Mirror -- Practicing how to Look from the outside In -- Having the Conversation -- Walking Down the Road -- Summary -- Chapter 6: Don't Take it Personally: Understanding It's not about You -- Systemic Conflict is Role-Based -- Competing Incentives -- The Benefits of Competing Incentives -- Hierarchy -- Working for a Superhero -- Personalities within the System -- Who Cares? -- Why It's Hard -- Identifying your Systemic Conflict.

Having the Conversation -- Summary -- Chapter 7: Don't Lose Yourself: Maintaining Balance -- The Problem -- How can you Tell? -- Advice -- Having the Conversation -- Summary -- Chapter 8: Practice, Practice, Practice: Getting to Carnegie Hall -- What is Role-Playing? -- Role-Playing to Diagnose the Problem -- Role-Playing to Look from the outside In -- Role-Playing to Tell their Story -- Role-Playing to Practice -- Creating your Own Role Play -- Step One: Find a Partner -- Step Two: Set the Stage -- Step Three: Have the Conversation -- Step Four: Stop and Debrief -- Step Five: Try Again -- Summary -- Chapter 9: What Comes Next: Making Change Happen and Identifying Dead Ends -- Possibility 1: The Situation Gets Better and the Relationship Improves -- Possibility 2: Making Peace with the Status Quo -- Possibility 3: Walking Away -- Have you Really Tried? -- Time to Act -- Managing Risk -- A Question of Values -- Keeping the Door Open -- Summary -- Conclusion -- Notes -- Index.