Contents -- Acknowledgments -- Introduction -- part 1 -- toward the extraordinary -- 1. "Everything boils down to relationships." -- 2. Love + Abilities = Extraordinary Relationships -- 3. "You don't find the right person -- you become the right person." -- 4. "You have 99 percent control of every relationship." -- 5. "A relationship is as strong as its strongest link." -- 6. "Your joy is your job (and no one else's)." -- 7. "Suffering is optional." -- 8. "Suffering is emotional reactions outside your comfort zone." -- 9. "Emotional reactions arise from within." -- 10. "All emotional reactions share a single cause." -- 11. "You will continue to react for the rest of your life." -- part 2 -- the art of giving permission -- 13. "Giving permission does not Require approval." -- 14. "It's Okay That Things Aren't Okay." -- 15. "Giving permission is different than acceptance." -- 16. "Giving permission maximizes your ability to respond." -- 17. "Giving permission restores intentionality." -- 18. "Acting out harms relationships." -- 19. "Judging is the opposite of giving permission." -- 20. "Acting out undermines freedom." -- 21. "People will fight like hell for freedom, and rightfully so." -- 22. "What does the ideal relationship look like?" -- 23. "The choice to be in a relationship is the choice to embrace 100 percent." -- 24. "Acting in is the answer." -- 25. An Example of Permission in Action -- part 3 -- how to give permission -- 26. "Giving permission is an art." -- 27. "You are nearly an expert at giving permission." -- 28. Step 1: Recognizing -- 29. Step 2: Pausing -- 30. Step 3: Breathing -- 31. Step 4: Understanding -- 32. "Everyone deserves to be given permission." -- 33. The ABCs Palette of Understanding -- 34. Step 5: Giving Permission -- 35. Reflection Point: Giving Permission -- 36. The Wisdom of Taking Responsibility.

37. "You can always influence change." -- 38. The Three Responsibilities -- part 4 -- taking responsibility for your emotions -- 39. "Harmony prepares the soil." -- 40. "You are the master of your emotional experience." -- 41. "Relationships thrive on emotional autonomy." -- 42. "Autonomy comes from internal friendship." -- 43. "Internal friendship prevents unhealthy attachment." -- 44. "You can be independently joyful." -- 45. "Plug into multiple outlets." -- 46. "Foraging for joy helps everyone." -- 47. Reflection Point: Responsibility for Your Emotions -- part 5 -- taking responsibility for your communications -- 48. "Relationship is communication." -- 49. The Five Principles of Responsible Communication -- 50. Principle 1: Calm -- 51. "Adults drive better than children." -- 52. "Early communication is easy communication." -- 53. "Giving permission is not about keeping your mouth shut." -- 54. "Conflict avoidance does not avoid conflict." -- 55. "Approach is not confrontation." -- 56. Principle 2: Objectivity -- 57. "Embrace the power of 'maybe.'" -- 58. "There are no needs." -- 59. "There are no 'shoulds.'" -- 60. Principle 3: Neutrality -- 61. "There's never a good reason to aggress." -- 62. "There's never a good reason to defend yourself." -- 63. Principle 4: Inquiry -- 64. "One plus one does not equal two." -- 65. "Questions open doors to conversation." -- 66. "Questions guide conversations." -- 67. "Familiarity fosters friendship." -- 68. "Understanding is more important than being understood." -- 69. Principle 5: Cooperativeness -- 70. "Cooperative communication has an achievable goal." -- 71. "What does the other person want you to know?" -- 72. "Ask the other person to help you understand." -- 73. "You head in the direction you face." -- 74. "There are no solutions in the past.".

75. Reflection Point: Responsibility for Your Communications -- part 6 -- taking responsibility for your choices -- 76. "Choice is freedom." -- 77. "You can choose solutions." -- 78. "Everyone gets to do what they want." -- 79. "Choice is about understanding what you want." -- 80. "Choice considers willingness." -- 81. "Getting what you want is Your choice." -- 82. "You can add what's missing." -- 83. "Respect the middle line." -- 84. Reflection Point: Responsibility for Your Choices -- part 7 -- the end and the beginning -- 85. A Brief Overview -- 86. "Self-­care matters." -- 87. "Embrace the power of 'okay.'" -- 88. "Height turns to depth." -- 89. "Emotions are like smoke detectors." -- 90. "Lying is okay." -- 91. Anger Is Not an Emotion." -- 92. "To truly love is to like." -- 93. "Everyone is likeable." -- 94. "Right now, nothing is wrong." -- 95. "Appreciating the ocean is easy." -- 96. "Embrace what is." -- 97. "Happiness is not the goal." -- 98. "You don't have to order from the menu." -- 99. "You are the only one who gets to be you." -- 100. "Have fun!" -- Epilogue -- Recommended Reading.