Title Page -- Copyright Page -- Introduction -- Abdul-Jabbar, Karim: Karim Abdul-Jabbar Was Not Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's Son -- AFL, The: The American Football League Did Not Use A Red, White, And Blue Ball -- AFL, The Other: You Do Not Care About Arena Football -- Alworth, Lance: Lance Alworth Was Not Lance Rentzel -- Answer, Trying to Figure Out The: You Do Not Know The Answer To This Trivia Question -- Apples, Bad: All University Of Miami Football Players Do Not Have Bad Attitudes -- Appliances, Kitchen: William "The Refrigerator" Perry Was Not Actually A Refrigerator -- Asia, The Continent Of: It Is Not True That There Has Never Been An Asian To Play In The NFL -- Babes, The: Babe Parilli Was Not Babe Laufenberg -- Backs, Running: Pro Bowl Running Backs Do Not Grow On Trees -- Bay, Green: A City Need Not Be Large To Be A Great NFL Town -- Bowl, Bud: Bud Light Did Not Have A Clutch Quarterback -- Bowl, Bud: It Is Not Difficult To Find Statistics For The Bud Bowls -- Bowl, Pro: You Do Not Care About The Pro Bowl -- Bowl, Pro: The NFL All-Star Game Should Not Be At The End Of The Season -- Bowl, Pro: Adam Is Not Right -- Browns, Cleveland: The Current NFL Team In Cleveland Should Not Share The Former Name Of The Team That Used To Be Known As The Cleveland Browns But Is Now Known As The Baltimore Ravens -- Buccaneers, Tampa Bay: The Buccaneers Do Not Play In Tampa Bay -- Bush, Reggie: Reggie Bush Did Not Have The Greatest Postseason Performance By A Rookie Running Back -- Busts, Drug: Playing Professional Football Does Not Kill The Dream Of Becoming A Drug Kingpin -- Cap, Salary: You Do Not Understand The Salary Cap -- Cardboard, Pieces Of: Football Fans Do Not Care About Collecting Football Cards -- Cheerleader, That Hot: The Cheerleader Who Smiled At You Does Not Want To Date You.

Cities, Cold Weather: The Super Bowl Should Not Be Played In Any City Other Than Miami Or San Diego -- Coaches, Conservative: Structural Engineers Are Not The Most Risk-Averse Professionals On The Planet -- Control, Birth: Travis Henry Did Not Pay Attention During His High School Sex Education Class -- Control, Birth: I Did Not Pay Close Enough Attention To The News -- Cunningham, Randall: Great NFL Quarterbacks Do Not Belong In The Marble Business -- Curse, Madden: Jinxes Are Not Something To Take Lightly -- Davis, Terrell: Terrell Davis Could Not Be Stopped In The Playoffs -- Dempsey, Tom: Missing Half Your Foot Does Not Give You An Advantage Kicking A Football -- Detmers, The: You Do Not Know The Difference Between Ty And Koy Detmer -- Detmer, Ty: Throwing Seven Interceptions Does Not Automatically Result In A Loss -- Dilfer, Trent: You Do Not Need A Good Quarterback To Win A Super Bowl -- Dryer, Fred: All Football Players Are Not Bad Actors -- Elway, John: The Browns Would Not Be Looking For Their First Super Bowl Championship If John Elway Had Just Signed With The Colts -- Exception, The Marshall Faulk: Teams Should Not Trade For Star Running Backs -- Fans, Raiders: Raiders Fans Are Not Like Other Fans -- Fartpiss, Penisnose: Dick Butkus Did Not Have The Worst Name Of Any Pro Football Player -- Fartpiss, Penisnose: We Do Not Know Anything About The Houston Texans -- Flags, Penalty: Penalty Flags Have Not Always Been Yellow -- Flutie, Doug: The Dropkick Is Not Dead -- Football, Electronic: Pong Was Not The Worst Game Ever Invented -- Footnotes, Reading The: You Are Not Reading All Of The Footnotes -- Game, It's Only One: Winning A Super Bowl MVP Award Does Not Guarantee A Great Career -- Game, The "Heidi": You Did Not See One Of The Greatest Comebacks Of All Time.

Gates, Antonio: NFL Teams Should Not Employ Tight Ends Who Have Never Played Basketball -- Greene, Mean Joe: Mean Joe Greene Was Not Mean And His Name Is Not Joe -- Hand, Talk To The: Heisman Trophy Winners Are Not All Earmarked For Mediocre Pro Careers -- Heads, Bobble: Football Fans Do Not Collect Bobblehead Dolls Of Their Favorite Players -- Iron, Nine: Golf Is Not A Good Hobby For NFL Players -- Irrelevant, Mr.: The Last Player Selected In The NFL Draft Is Not A Bad Player -- Itself, The Football: Footballs Are Not Made Of Pigskin -- Jersey, Falcons: Oakland Raiders Jerseys Are Not King Of The Junior High Bad Boy Fashion World Anymore -- Jewels, Family: NFL Players Are Not Required To Wear Cups -- Jewels, More Family: We Do Not Know What Happened To That Guard In The Longest Yard -- Jones, Bert: Bert Jones Was Not The Next Johnny Unitas -- Kaufman, Napoleon: Napoleon Kaufman Should Not Have Been A Backup -- Kelly, Leroy: Leroy Kelly Was Not Jim Brown -- Knowledge, Lack Of: It Is Not Easy To Write A Book About Football -- Landry, Tom: The Dallas Cowboys Are Not America's Team -- Language, Foul: Herm Edwards Has Not Appeared On The Best Damn Sports Show Period -- Leaf, Ryan: A Little Girl Has Not Played In The NFL -- Leaf, Ryan: Ryan Leaf Was Not The Worst Draft Pick Of All Time -- Leaf, Ryan: Ryan Leaf's Family Should Not Read This Book For Obvious Reasons -- League, No Fun: The NFL Should Not Dish Out Fines Or Penalties For Creative Touchdown Celebrations -- Leagues, Fantasy: Professional Football Players Do Not Care If They're On Your Fantasy Team -- Legislature, Illinois: The 1972 Miami Dolphins Are Not The Greatest Team In Pro Football History -- Lineman, Offensive: Offensive Lineman Do Not Get Enough Credit -- Lombardi, Vince: Originally, There Was Not An Entry In This Book About Vince Lombardi.

Man, Mystery: Rick Williams' Retirement Was Not The Strangest In NFL History -- Mexico, Ron: The NFL Should Not Have Been Surprised By Michael Vick's Involvement With Underground Dogfighting -- Miracle, Music City: The Craziest Thing About The "Music City Miracle" Was Not The Miracle Play Itself -- Moore, Herman: Life Is Not Fair -- Moore, Herman: Herman Moore Was Not Better Than Michael Irvin -- Mouth, Insert Foot In: Tony Romo Is Not A Genius -- Namath, Joe: A Third-Grader Should Not Do A Book Report On Joe Namath's Autobiography -- Nightmare, Nigerian: Christian Okoye Was Not A Figment Of Your Imagination -- Oilers, Houston: The Jets Do Not Have The Worst Fight Song Ever -- Paint, Balls Of: Paintball Is Not A Good Hobby For A First-Round Draft Pick -- Papale, Vincent: Do Not Believe Everything You See In The Movies -- Parts, Body: You Do Not Need All Of Your Body Parts To Play Professional Football -- Philadelphia, Pittsburgh And: The Steagles Were Not An Imaginary Team -- Piccolo, Brian: Brian's Song Was Not A Great Movie -- Pirate, Bruce The: The Dolphins Logo Is Not The Least Intimidating Logo Ever Used -- Porcelain, Collecting: Football Fans Do Not Collect Little Figurines Of Their Favorite Players -- Posts, Goal: The Goal Posts Should Not Be At The Back Of The End Zones -- Presents, Holiday: Your Father Does Not Want A Tie With The Carolina Panthers Logo On It -- Pyne, Daniel: Joseph Robbie Was Not As Good At Naming An NFL Team As Screenwriters -- Quaid, Dennis: Dennis Quaid Does Not Play A Football Player In All Of His Movies -- Quarterbacks, Raiders Starting: The Raiders Have Never Had A Great Quarterback -- Quarterbacks, Scrambling: Scrambling Quarterbacks Are Not The Wave Of The Future -- Question, Answer To The Trivia: You Did Not Know The Answer To The Trivia Question -- Rams, Cleveland: That Is Not A Typo.

Receiver, Unsung: Marvin Harrison Does Not Receive Enough Credit -- Reception, Immaculate: Franco Harris' Famous Catch Was Not Immaculate -- Rentzel, Lance: Lance Rentzel Was Not Lance Alworth -- Returns, Kick: Clipping Penalties On Kick Returns Are Not Harsh Enough -- Riders, Rough: The Rough Riders Are Not The Roughriders -- Romo, Tony: Starting Quarterbacks Should Not Be Holders For Field Goals And Extra Points -- Sanders, Deion: Bo Jackson Was Not The Best Two-Sport Athlete Of All Time -- Scientist, The Mad: Clinton Portis Is Not Always Clinton Portis -- Simpson, O.J.: O.J. Simpson Did Not Kill His Wife -- Singletary, Mike: Mike Singletary Was Not The Next Dick Butkus -- Size, Field: Most Football Fans Do Not Know The Dimensions Of A Football Field -- Skating, Figure: Terry Bradshaw Was Not Married To Dorothy Hamill -- Soul, Selling Your: Kurt Warner Did Not Make A Deal With The Devil -- Stadium, Giants: The New York Giants Do Not Play In New York -- Stadium, Giants: The New York Jets Do Not Play In New York -- Stars, Former Track: You Really Can Not Coach Speed -- Strikeouts, Bo Knows: Bo Jackson Was Not A Great Baseball Player -- Takeover, Hostile: Gaudy Sunglasses Are Not The Strangest Thing About Al Davis -- Team, Naming Your: The Oakland Raiders Were Almost Not The Oakland Raiders -- Ten, Eleven To: This Could Not Possibly Be True, Could It? -- Texans, Houston: The Texans Did Not Lose Any Games On Purpose In 2005 -- Theismann, Joe: Joe Theismann's Last Name Does Not Rhyme With Heisman -- Tights, Spandex: A Super Bowl Champion Should Not Embarrass His Family -- Tittle, Y.A.: You Do Not Know The First Name Of One Of The Greatest Quarterbacks Of All Time -- Todd, Richard: Richard Todd Was Not The Next Joe Namath -- Toilet, On The: This Book Is Not Waterproof -- Touchdowns, Longest: Not All Records Are Unbreakable.

Tradition, Break From: Teams Should Not Be Afraid To Change Their Uniforms.