A Brief but Suitably Scholarly and Boring Introduction -- But Enough about Me-What Do You Know about Me? -- Plain Talk about the Plains, Definitions, and What Folklore Is, Isn't, Might Be, and Is Mostly -- A Lesson in Proper Diction -- Why I'm an Only Child -- A Special Announcement -- Dad Instructs Me about Civil Ribaldry Even as I Thought I Was Instructing Him -- Naughty Is in the Ears of the Beholder -- A First Lesson in Military Nomenclature -- Diction Friction -- Evoked and Provoked -- Cipherin' -- Thinking Fast -- Cold . . . and Deep -- Inhouse Outhouses -- Speaking of Treed Raccoons -- Harvard Law -- Urban vs. Rural -- The Eternal Cuckold -- Now's Your Chance -- Using the Imagination -- Ways of the Wise -- Traffic Flow -- Speaking of the Innocence of the Gentle Sex -- Oh, Dat Ole! Oh, Dat Lena! -- Same Idea, Different Names -- No Boyz Aloud -- The Church of What? -- What Did He Say? -- How You Gonna Keep 'Em down on the Farm (after They've Seen the Farm) -- The Birds Do It, Bees Do It -- Indiscreet Secretions -- Why Is It Called a "Fly?" -- Geriatric Indignities -- Callow Youth -- Age Has Nothing to Do with It -- Innocent? Or Simply Not Guilty? -- Other Unmentionables -- An Afterword.