Contents -- Preface -- Introduction -- 1 What you need to know -- The theory behind the advice -- What are you, an animal? -- The Ghost in the Machine -- Animals on the Dance Floor -- What's your status? -- Who's in charge of the room? -- Punishment and Rewards -- Never Give Up -- 2 Dealing with low-level disruption -- Hypochondriacs and how to cure them -- Her sick mum means I can't call home -- She pretends to be deaf -- They're not scared of me any more -- Can I save them from the gangs? -- The one who does nothing -- Pupils claim their behaviour is my fault -- When Brainiacs attack: the bright kids terrorize me -- The chattering classes: widespread talking in my set -- How do I harpoon the big-mouths? -- Too many SEN for me to deal with -- I'm not even sure if she's breathing: the child who does nothing -- Punishing with rewards: how much praise should I give them? -- Jokers laugh at me - how can I make them take me seriously? -- The Joy of Text: mobile phones constantly interrupt my teaching -- Why's monkeys - Stopping kids who taunt you with questions -- They call me mate, they call me rude boy. Pupils who get too familiar -- I am doing it! God! Kids who overreact to instructions -- The Lollipop of the Lesson: using treats to get good behaviour -- Problems with form groups -- Turning them on when you can't find the switch: motivating the lacklustre -- Achtung, baby: getting and holding attention with the younger ones -- Chatty boy drives me batty -- Taking names and kicking ass: using names on the board to keep them in line -- He's just a big baby: pupils who act like toddlers -- It's good to talk: dealing with mobile phones -- He's given up: what do I do now? -- Losing my religion: the kids don't like my subject -- Surface dwellers, beware! Pupils who hide under tables -- In the company of boys: teaching an all male group.

What's the point of school? -- The Invisible Bully: dealing with low-level intimidation -- My bright spark is a live wire: bright kids that keep shouting out -- No-smirking zone: the Hell of a pupil grinning at you when you're serious -- 3 Behaviour for new teachers -- The trouble with girls: coping when girls gang up on you -- The journey of a thousand miles: making a start with a new class -- I want to drop my form -- I go to pieces under the microscope: coping with observations -- Getting control back once it's flown the coop -- Top sets terrorize me -- Alien versus Predators: when a bully gets bullied -- Looking for a Rainbow: panicking about being graded badly -- Ground away to a greasy spot: what are my job prospects if I've quit? -- Given air like I'm not there: being ignored -- Herding cats: getting them to listen to me -- Carpet bombing - how can I make carpet time more organized? -- Can I lasso a runner? Catching the kids that leg it -- Driven round the bend and I can't see an end: when nothing you try works -- Time to behave: does the time of day affect their behaviour? -- Go it alone or ask for help? -- From peripatetic to teacher: making a transition between roles -- A whole class with nothing to lose: when they know they're going to fail -- Nasty girls who don't get it: when pupils turn on you and complain -- The power of one: when you feel all alone with your classes -- Gang rules: groups of pupils who misbehave as a group -- How long does it take to control a class? -- They're using me for target practice: literally -- Boys in the Hood, up to no good: young classes made up of boys -- Angels and Demons: weeding out the minority who misbehave -- Time to change tack: when kids think you're a soft touch -- Shut up, please: why do they fall silent to everyone but me? -- 4 Everyday behaviour management.

Getting really motivated: making them want to learn -- Does every child matter? When you have a bully in the room -- I have felt your presence: can I get them to behave when I'm not there? -- Public enemies -- getting them to behave when they move around -- My spider sense is tingling: they misbehave when I'm not looking -- Balancing firm and fair when you're a Head of Year -- The Taming of the Crew: when is it time to give up with hard classes? -- Post natal blues: adjusting after maternity leave -- Supply teacher going under -- Getting them to Go Straight after some Porridge: I'm dreading some kids coming back to my class -- Vet feels like a rookie: when you've been doing it for years and can't get the magic back -- Quite contrary: a boy who does the opposite of what you want -- Can I get naughty kids to bake cakes? -- The domino effect: the boy who can't take criticism -- When Smiley Faces aren't enough: the class isn't responding to positivity -- The road to redemption: getting small groups of small people to make small steps to improvement -- You are SO unfair: getting kids to understand why some people get special treatment -- Music to motivate -- I yelled -- she bailed. I failed? Feeling guilty about shouting. -- Veni, Vidi, Vicky: when kids are nice by themselves and not when they're together -- Et tu, Brian? One child wants to ruin our drama day -- There's going to be a murder: are role-plays a good tool for naughty kids? -- Problems with the naughty list -- Wait for it: how long should I wait for silence? -- The Coursework Whisperer: getting it in at short notice -- Tie me to the mast: the same kids get detention all the time -- My Spitting Image is too close to the bone: one of the kids is mocking me -- The devolution of the species: my class has gone backwards -- Rocking a tiny boat: disruption in very small classes.

Top-set chatter: the clever kids want to talk about what they want to talk about -- Supply and be damned: getting respect when you're not the regular teacher -- The family that fights together, . . . when bad behaviour is tolerated by the parents -- No prize for being first: pupils who can't bear failure -- Ransom demands: a sudden influx of new pupils in my class -- 5 School issues -- Does permanent exclusion actually work? -- Where does duty lie? Can I act like a teacher when we're not in school? -- Who can tell me what the capital of f*****g Chile is? Can kids swear in lessons? -- Managing behaviour on the biscuit aisle: should uniform codes apply as far as the supermarket? -- What happens when the dust settles? Worried about the result of a bullying incident. -- Hot for teacher: the pupils all fancy me -- Do we need a behaviour policy? -- Job application at an SEBD school -- When will the nightmare end? How long does it take to control a class? -- The dangers of Nick O'Teen: they're smoking at the gates -- Is there more to behaviour than a policy? What other principles should we use in school? -- Danger: trip hazard. Worried about safety on a day out -- Kids today, they don't know they're born: getting kids to realise how lucky they are -- Shall we agree to differ? Do behaviour agreements solve behaviour problems? -- Kneel before Zod! Bringing corporal punishment back to the classroom -- Does anyone here speak OfSTED? Translating what they mean -- They've never had it so good? The difference between rich children and poor -- The Teacher's Bill of Rights -- 'I am a valuable, confident winner. Today will be a good day!' The link between self-esteem and behaviour -- The X Factors of bad behaviour: what are the triggers that cause mucking about? -- Bad behaviour is because of your bad teaching: how do I respond to SLT saying that?.

Naughty parents need love too: do we have a policy for parents' behaviour? -- Giving time outs -- 6 Extreme teaching -- Running the gauntlet: coping with an assault -- Freedom to hate? The fine line between free speech and race hate -- Cuddle or smack? Do we appease or condemn aggressive behaviour in a parent? -- Is this a dagger? Pupils who bring knives to school -- How much is too much to deal with? Discovering the limits of acceptability in your room -- Urinating in the classroom: is it acceptable? -- The state of nature: scared to teach my new class -- Facebook libel -- That'll teach her! -- Where is the justice? I've been pushed and no one cares -- The second blow was harder: when the school won't support you against a pupil -- A thug in my classroom -- My word against hers -- Pupils mock my sexuality -- "You're rubbish, Miss." Dealing with direct criticism of my teaching -- Words are sometimes not enough: getting physical when punches fly -- Sexual assault in the classroom -- I'm scared of looked-after children -- I was called a c**t -- Twisted fire starter: dealing with arson -- The class biter: do I get a muzzle? -- How far should I take it? Allegations of teacher assault -- The whole class is being rude, boy -- Losing the fight against racism -- An acceptable level of violence: does an IEP justify agression? -- Teaching NEETS to participate -- Nothing goes right with this class: are they unteachable? -- Total defiance, then he melted down -- So violent, so young -- Sexual threats are never a joke -- Back to haunt me after he assaulted me -- She'd argue with her shadow -- This school's tearing itself apart -- 7 Dealing with other grown-ups -- I'm dashing myself against the rocks: cover supervisor being ignored by students -- Why can't my daughter do pottery instead of detentions? -- Run, Forrest! SENCO tactics for sprinting kids.

What to say in interviews.