Cover Page -- Also by Robert Klose -- Title Page -- Copyright -- Dedication -- Contents -- Introduction -- My Small, Impoverished, Careworn College -- Clientele -- What Happens if You Step on It? -- Beautiful Dreamers -- The Hoary Head Is a Crown of Glory -- Following the Dead (or, Why Attendance Matters) -- What I Say and What They Hear -- The Impossible Dream -- The Death of Fiction -- Our Common Tongue -- Whoa Is the State of English -- The Illiterati -- The Written Word -- Why Email Is Not Writing -- I Write, Therefore I'm Right -- I, Teacher -- I Rock -- The Nutty Professor -- A Seat at the Periodic Table -- Atoms in Love -- Forbidden Fruits -- What Hath Darwin Wrought? -- Scriptural -- The Dyspepsia of Intelligent Design -- The Skeptic -- The Three-Legged Woman and the Imp of the Paranormal -- Boundless Moments -- Let Us Praise the Bold Molds -- A Season for Seaweeds -- Through a Lens. Brightly. -- Methodologies -- The Bell Jar -- How I YouTubed My Biology Course -- How to Study -- The Truth Is in the Tape -- Please Hold the Morphine -- The Future is now -- The New Technology -- The University of Tomorrow -- Beginnings.