TABLE OF CONTENTS -- 1.The Sperm and Egg Problem -- 2.Female Promiscuity Controls the Size of Your Testicles -- 3.What Women Want -- 4.Bodies and Resumés: What Makes Us Horny -- 5.Why Men Are Afraid of Commitment, Women Cautious about Consummation -- 6.A Do-It-Yourself Home Experiment -- 7.How Men Get Sex -- 8.The Catfight Gene -- 9.The Jerk Gene -- 10.Bower Birds Teach Us How Art Evolved to Get the Groupie -- 11.Male Promiscuity Decides Your Height -- 12.Why Women Are Coy, Men Clueless -- 13.Why You're So Horny -- 14.Darwinism: Survival of the Sexiest -- 15.How Kindness Became Sexy -- 16.Why We Bitch -- 17.Why We Are Fat -- 18.Aqua-Ape: The Missing Link? -- 19.Why You Like Spielberg More than T. S. Eliot -- 20.Let's Face It -- 21.Love Stinks -- 22.Faked Orgasms Fool Men, but Real Orgasms Fool Women -- 23.You Don't Have an Orgasm, an Orgasm Has You -- 24.Why Your Clitoris Is Hard to Find -- 25.March of the Penguin Prostitutes -- 26.Free Love Causes War -- 27.Bimbos and Cuckolds: What Makes Us Jealous -- 28.Why You're Tormented -- 29.Dying for Sex -- 30.When Your Wife Sleeps with Your Brother, and You're Okay with That -- 31.Broad Hips, Big Butts -- Broad Shoulders, Big Diction -- 32.Why Your Penis Is Easy to Find -- 33.Two Genes for Two Types of Gay Guys -- 34.Gay Animal Parents -- 35.Boobies -- 36.Homo Homo sapiens -- 37.Why Males and Females Don't Actually Exist -- 38.Why Men Have Nipples -- 39.The Sperm and Egg Solution -- 40.Falling in Love -- Afterword -- Notes -- In Case You Think I'm Full of It: Bibliography -- Useless Index -- People Who Deserve Acknowledgement but not Payment -- About the Author.