Cover -- Table of Contents -- A Note to the Reader -- 1 The Second Chance Club -- 2 Colored Water -- 3 How Bob Hope Saved Not My Life, but My Livelihood -- 4 Cocktails with Molotov -- 5 My Night on the Leningrad Black Market -- 6 Alfred Hitchcock Answers My Most Brilliant Question -- 7 The Lieutenant with the Strange Name -- 8 Suomen Pankki -- 9 Can You Guess Which Relative Is Coming? -- 10 The Man Who Married and Divorced Six Jewish Women within Eighteen Months -- 11 Charlie Fawcett: Act Two -- 12 My Best Day in the Army -- 13 Are You Black or Cuban? -- 14 Oysters, Russian Glue, and Yugoslav Elephants: The Stuff of Heroes -- 15 Why the Rabbi Got Annoyed -- 16 Cheering for the Other Side -- 17 When the Army Wisely Decides to Keep Its Mouth Shut -- 18 Everybody Always Gets Everything Wrong -- 19 Buzz and I -- 20 The Veteran Who Wasn't Getting His GI Bill -- 21 Bette and Joan and I at 21 -- 22 The Best Practical Joke I Ever Witnessed -- 23 My Scariest Moment -- 24 "We Know You Don't Eat Ham!" -- 25 My Most Unlikely Hebrew Teacher -- 26 The Indonesian Misunderstanding -- 27 "We Make Them Better!" -- 28 Honor, Southern-Style -- 29 From Maryland to Yugoslavia -- 30 Mother Almost Obeyed Dad -- 31 Archangel. Murmansk. All Mine! -- 32 The Best Nap I Ever Had -- 33 The Boston Strangler -- 34 Cuss Words: Then and Now -- 35 General Bradley, Admiral Burke, and Private Farber -- 36 The Winner: My Daughter Celia. The Loser: The Communist Party of Cuba -- 37 Baby's First Pro-Family Act -- 38 Choo-Choo -- 39 Confederate Flag over the Deep Southern Dormitory -- 40 Daddy and the Duke -- 41 Mother and Dad and Matty and Henry -- 42 The Ram and the Blue Devil -- 43 Eddie -- 44 Rock 'n' Roll Station Covers Fidel's Visit -- 45 My Freak Adjustment -- 46 How My World War II Started -- 47 Can You Believe? Both Grandmas and Grandpas!.

48 How Can the Score Be 18-0 with No Touchdowns, Safeties, or Place Kicks? -- 49 You Do the Math-in English or Indonesian! -- 50 My Worst and Best Questions on the Radio over Fifty Years -- 51 Have You Ever Lived a Biblical Moment? -- 52 Which Is Mightier: Your Coincidence or Mine? -- 53 The Albanian King's Ridiculous Joke about the Italian Invasion -- 54 Out of Wedlock -- 55 The Real Reason Men Don't Like to Ask for Directions -- 56 Bridge: The Kind with Cards, Not with Girders -- 57 Daddy's Shameful Victory -- 58 The Maryland Used-Car Lot -- 59 The Greatest Line of World War II-in North Carolina -- 60 Take a New York Cab and See the World -- 61 Was It "Nuts!" or Something Else? -- 62 The Russians Aren't Just Coming -- They've Been Here -- 63 How I Learned Europeans Are More Cultured Than We Are -- 64 Queen Wilhelmina and the Nazis -- 65 Tex, I've Got the Cabinet! -- 66 The Ant -- 67 The Answer That Saved Fifty Thousand Lives -- 68 The House on M Street -- 69 The Orthodox Rabbi and the Castro Defector -- 70 The Lifesaving Sled -- 71 America's Two-Party System -- 72 Why Refuel at Vilna? -- 73 Speak Now, or Forever Hold Your Peace -- 74 How Hollywood Can Induce You to Love Thine Enemy -- 75 When I First Heard of Waco, Waco Heard More Importantly from Me -- 76 War Stories That Almost Missed Iraq and Afghanistan -- 77 Felix -- 78 My Favorite Terrorist -- 79 Sid -- 80 Ulla and the Sex Maniac Killer -- 81 My Most Unforgettable Radio Show -- 82 Sara.