Cover -- Author biography -- Also by Pat Flynn -- Title page -- Imprint page -- Dedication -- Introduction -- Funniest Things That Teachers Have Yelled at Me -- Remote-Controlled Helicopter -- It's Just Not Cricket -- Kane's Favourite Pick-Up Lines -- The Musical, the Girl, and MPme -- Love Triangle -- How to Write a Love Letter -- The Old Yawn Trick and Other Essential First-Date Information -- Don't Kiss Girls -- My Favourite Excuses for Forgetting My Homework -- How to Get a Job and Lose It in One Day -- Counciling and My Brush with the Emotional Side -- What Are the Odds? -- The Caddy versus Psycho Man -- Operation Get Rich Quick -- My Last Report Card -- Lunchtimes from Hell -- The Wrong Environment -- Poetry in Motion -- New Girl -- Best Night of My Life -- Being Dead -- Acknowledgements.