Cover -- Copyright -- Dedication -- Contents -- Introduction -- Part I: Early Times -- Evolution: From the Big Bang to Modern Humans in 10 Easy Steps -- The Biggest Killer in History -- It Wasn't Just the Meteor, Boys -- Hey, All You Young Folks! -- The Original Bearded Lady -- Old Man Ramses, Can You Spare a Condom? -- From the Jaws of Victory: Alexander & Darius -- These Goods Are Hot! Pompeii-ad 79 -- Part II: Stuck in the Middle Ages with You -- On the Wings of Angels -- Basil the Bulgar-Slayer and the Kingdom of the Blind -- Infested with Religious Fervor: The Death of Thomas à Becket -- Too Much of a Lion -- As Long As We're Here: The Inglorious Fourth Crusade -- The Children's Crusade -- Unfortunately, I Smell a Rat -- This Is a Trippy Village -- Thanks for Changing the World, Now Pay Up! -- C'mon, Martin! How Long You Gonna Be in There? -- Part III: New World, New Mindblowers -- African Americans: Who Was First? -- 400 Spaniards vs. 25 Million Aztecs -- You Can't Take It with You, Francisco -- I Say, Ol' Chap, Can I Borrow a Boat? -- She's in Charge of Sales Here in Africa -- Part IV: Founding Fathers, Founding Follies -- The Mayflower's Out of Beer! We Gotta Stop! -- Old Muttonhead: Fun Facts about George Washington -- Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death! Unless You're My Wife -- Like Son, Like Father, Like Dead -- Boiling Mad -- O, Say Can You Bail Me Out? The Birth of Our National Anthem -- Part V: The Gilded Age -- Having a Friend for Dinner -- They Called Him "Handsome Frank," but Life Turned Ugly -- School of War -- Does This Ring a Bell? -- President James A. Garfield and the Doctors Who Killed Him -- The Four Non-Assassinated Dead Presidents -- Part VI: A Century Turns -- I Think That's a Bad Omen, Your New Highness -- The Country That Moved from One Continent to Another -- Hey, John! This Play Is a Riot!.

Hey, Igor! This Ballet Is a Riot! -- Just Couldn't Ask for Directions, Eh, Franz? -- Woodrow Wilson: 28th President, Nobel Prize Winner, and Racist -- Part VII: Modern Times -- Put a Ford in Your Racism -- There's Just One Little Flaw in Your Plan, Mr. Maginot -- Dr. Albert Hofmann: LSD Inventor and User -- The Dictator and the Duke -- Have You Checked the Mailbox? -- He Coulda Killed Him with a Coke Bottle -- Go Ahead, Make My Police Department -- Tromso, Norway: A Nice Place to Get a Cold Beer -- Famous Guns: Where Are They Now? -- Part VIII: Unusual Origins and Inventive Minds -- You've Got the Smile of a Twenty-Year-Old! -- Alfred Nobel: I'm Just Dead -- A Lack of Patients Gives the World Its Greatest Fictional Detective -- Forget the Movement, This Game Is Fun! -- SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! The Wonder Meat -- Part IX: Say What? The Birth of Words and Phrases -- French Frogs Frolicking Frivolously -- You're Such a Dunce! But Don't Be Offended -- Have a Drink on Me! The Pickling of Lord Horatio Nelson -- Women and Children First! The Birth of a Soggy, Noble Tradition -- The Butler Did It! Thanks to Author Mary Roberts Rinehart -- You're an Ugly American! But Don't Be Offended -- Part X: Cool and Unusual People and Places -- The Secrets of Isaac Newton, the Magician of Science -- A Cut Above: What Would You Do to Get a Job? -- Pope-Pourri: 2,000 Years of Papal Mindblowers -- The Angel of Rome: He Could Hit the High Notes -- Don't Tell Minnie or Mickey -- Seen One Wife, Seen 'Em All -- Mighty Mini Monaco -- Guy Lombardo, Superstar -- Academia Nuts: So You're the Expert, Eh? -- Part XI: Sports and Fatness -- Today's Golf Game Has Been Cancelled Due to War -- Huddle Up! -- The Hurricane That Spawned a Basketball Star -- The English Channel Channel: What a Difference a Century Makes -- Yes, but Can He Steal Bases?.

Why People Are Fat: Preparing for the Famine That Never Comes -- Part XII: Mindblowing Earth, Space, and Time -- Water, Water Everywhere, but Only 1 Percent to Drink -- The World Has Gone to Pot, Many Times -- Meet the Beetles -- I'll Be Your Host Tonight -- Slow Down, Baby! Do You Know How Fast You Were Going? -- Crowded House -- Part XIII: In Conclusion -- Famous Last Words -- Some Mindblowing Final Thoughts -- Acknowledgments -- Selected Bibliography -- Websites.