Cover -- Title page -- Contents -- Introduction -- 2000-2002 -- Robin Hood in reverse -- The 99p trick -- Appeasing the money god -- From Dunkirk to El Paso -- Sport, Booze and Shopping -- Drumcree: marching into the history books -- In defence of domestic slobbery -- Neutered ships and dancing grandads -- A sacrifice to drunkenness -- Finessing the ghosts of Fianna Fáil Past -- No such thing as living beyond your means -- Yes, it must be love -- A precious life lost or a PR victory gained? -- Keeping up with the babyJoneses -- Romance with alcohol -- Enda's stand-up act -- How did we get to here, from there? -- Twisting the rule of thumb -- Bob McCartney's Christmas cake recipe -- 2003-2005 -- Grown-up pester power -- She was with her father ... of course she was safe -- War Babies -- 'Tipping is not a city in China' -- Someone else's war -- Conspicuous Compassion and covering your exposed ass -- Abortion: you can only make a choice with your eyes open -- A patently potty pose -- 'Dear Failed Breastfeeder ...' -- If money doesn't make you happy, begrudgery will -- A shallow grave -- Paid to stay single -- Branding the bullies -- The Points Race -- Commodity trading -- Return to the Dark Ages narrowly averted -- Protecting the brand: the Ferns Report -- The Childcare Paradox -- 2006 -- Sentencing Robert's killer -- Box and Interview -- Remembering the Stardust -- Buy buy baby -- 'Turn that f***ing thing off' -- The kitten in the incubator -- Plucking and stewing the golden goose -- Mollycoddling the KIPPERs -- A nation of squinting villagers -- Anger mismanagement -- Keeping her feet on the ground in 29.99 shoes -- Moral SWAT team - 1 -- Peter Stringfellow - 0 -- When hanging is too good ... -- You can't unscramble an egg -- Settling down -- 2007-2009 -- Putting the Frighteners on Those Uppity Wimmin -- A spell on the bold step for Bertie.

Don't mention the Communion -- Happily ever after? -- The glib vocabulary of Grief Lite -- Short shrift for dead gangsters -- Suicide and the Workplace -- It had happened before -- Chummy lawyers, matey judges and Guards in civvies ... -- Joan of Arc at the Mahon Tribunal -- Walking into doors -- 'The Ballad of Bobby Sands' -- Bubblewrapped kids -- Stop animal testing ... why? -- Nothing to stop the dead speaking ill of the living -- Holding a funeral for three dozen glass slides -- 'I Must Not Upset Gays -- I must not ...' -- The superglue strategy -- About the author -- Imprint page.